On the run: All the best 2021 Florida Man headlines ever
Nowadays, nothing feels certain anymore. Bennifer is a thing again. Betty White is dead. There’s a new COVID-19 variant popping up every other day. When the world can rely on nothing else, though, it can rely on the iconic Florida Man producing the best headlines.
The not-so-elusive Florida Man is native to the Sunshine State. While every state has its odd crimes, Florida seems to be a combination of heavily drugged individuals & intense wildlife. They don’t do crimes, they do weird crimes. It’s like how crime shows take headlines from real life, only the Florida Man seems to take crimes from satirical comic strips.
Thus, the Florida Man was born wreaking havoc on the poor locals just trying to go about their days. From a ridiculous robbery attempt to impersonating a doctor, here are the best in Florida Man headlines.
Finger attack
When you don’t have an actual weapon, sometimes anything will do. On October 19th, Edward Wiliam Rodriguez was the Florida Man in question. He earned the title after trying to rob a Waffle House at finger gun-point while yelling, “Get on the ground, y’all are getting robbed!”
Yes, you read correctly. He tried to rob a Waffle House by putting his fingers into the shape of two guns and thought someone would be threatened. The Florida Man ended up behind bars, of course, in Madison County.
What did he steal? Such a desperate attempt must’ve been made for money or food. No, he made off with a handful of napkins. Aside from being one of the best Florida Man headlines, this story is great just for the sheer audacity.
Captain Jack Spare-Me
Who needs Pirates of the Caribbean when you have the Florida Man? On October 10th, Scott Taylor became the titular Florida Man. He earned the title after authorities caught him wielding a sword and practicing a little pyromania.
Brevard Count had no idea they’d end up on a list of the best Florida Man headlines when Taylor decided to start a fire. Naturally, he was chugging from a half-gallon-sized Captain Morgan spiced rum bottle when authorities arrived.
Man vs beast
Usually, when a man faces off against a wild animal, it’s a heroic tale. He’s saving a child or he’s the star of a fantasy franchise and the animal is his mortal foe. Sometimes, though, it’s just fodder for one of the best Florida Man headlines.
On July 15th, William Hodge earned his name as the Florida Man. He joined the long list of Florida Men by assaulting an alligator. One might think he’d just found it on the street with how things seem to work in Florida.
Unfortunately, he’d stolen it from an enclosure at Congo River Golf in Daytona Beach. His fellow Floridians reported him swinging the poor animal around by the tale. When asked why he’d done it, he replied it was “to teach it a lesson”. Only the Florida Man would take a hands-on approach to ‘teaching’ a random alligator.
Dr. High School
No list of the best Florida Man headlines would be complete without the return of a classic. Malachi Love-Robinson is at it again as a repeat offender Florida Man. Love-Robinson had been arrested previously for channeling his inner Dr. Doogie Howser and impersonating a teen doctor.
On January 1st, Love-Robinson went ‘undercover’ once more to steal from a patient. He’s since been arrested for fraud & grand theft. Why the twenty-three-year-old impersonated a teen specifically is currently unknown.
What is known, however, is the world would be a dull place without the Florida Man keeping society on its toes. He uses drugs. He commits crimes. But, more importantly, he makes some of the best headlines!
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What’s your favorite Florida Man headline? Did we leave anything out? Have you ever met the Florida Man personally? Let us know in the comments below!
