Horrifically funny: Cringe at these creepy Tinder date horror stories

Perhaps this thought has crossed your mind at some point: Who was the first person to suspect that many people may find their true loves through the internet? It makes sense. The internet has always seemed like this vast foreign world “possibly deeper than the ocean.” When considering a place where anything you think of can be found, it’s certainly no surprise it made its way to our love lives. 

What’s more damning is that the internet we experience every day is merely a tip of that “foreign world.” We won’t talk about what’s known as “the deep web” today, but if you’re single, you’ve probably tried at least a few dating sites/apps existing out there. While many of us might’ve had to tolerate some truly awful dates in our lives. The dating app Tinder, however, seems to only produce the most horrific experiences. 

Hopefully, they’ll be far more funny than calamitous but we’ve gathered some retellings by people who are kind enough to have shared their worst Tinder experiences. It is true that these Tinder stories really happened and after reading them, you may want to consider staying single for a little bit, perhaps try dating the old fashion way? But there are other apps to try!

Peeing on your date

This is a funny Tinder date involving a “famous” chef “. . .  where I was taken to a dive bar.” The chef immediately began going on about how “famous” he was. “We drank and watched sports, he proceeded to tell me, ‘You’re cute.’ And this eventually went to ‘I am going to make you bleed.’ He then invited one of his friends to come along. I went outside and he came up to kiss me.”

“I was drunk, so I kissed back. Eventually, he proceeded to tell me how he was ‘being charged with battering his ex-girlfriend, but he totally didn’t do it.’ Eventually when it  came time to pay the bill, ‘he lost his wallet.’ Of course, I get stuck with it. ‘I’ll pay you back.’” (He didn’t.)

“Then he leaned up against me. I thought he was trying to kiss me again, but I looked down, and he was peeing on me. In the street. Peeing. On. Me.  I swiftly, being too inebriated to drive, went and got myself a hotel room and a hot shower. Never again.”

Baby time!

Perhaps, the first date is too early to have babies? This funny little Tinder story is titled, She Wanted A Baby Yesterday. 

“The only Tinder date I went on, the woman told me her goal was to get pregnant in the next few months. I noped right out of there.”

Can you blame him?

Red flags

We’ve all heard the importance of trusting your gut. Sometimes, red flags just have a way of sneaking up on us. 

“I needed a date to Passover dinner with my friends. He wore a vest and a news-boy hat, then introduced himself with a bow and a hat flourish. The night only got worse from there. He refused to eat any of the food because ‘things on the plate were touching’ (It was f***ing soup) and wouldn’t shut his mouth during the twelve minutes of Seder.”

“When it came time for his train home he purposefully missed it so he could stay the night. HAHA, NOPE. After a movie, I convinced my friend to come with me to drive him to the nearest train station. During the ride, he thought it was the best time to tell me he was schizophrenic, but didn’t take medicine because ‘it was the devil’.”

“The night ended with him telling me he was going to sh*t on the subway and write my name in it.”

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Share your funny Tinder dates in the comments below!