Bring out your inner goth: These are the most morbid dark humor jokes

Dark humor is not for the faint of heart – especially when we’re joking about death. Laughing in the face of death is a practice as old as writing itself, and we can’t think of any better way to keep the tradition going than with some of these seriously dark jokes.

If you’re into jokes so dark they run the risk of bringing out your inner goth, then this list is for you. Grab your blackest nail polish and a copy of The Raven, and enjoy these seriously morbid funnies – but don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Returning the favor 

My elderly relatives love to tease me at family weddings, always saying, “You’ll be next!”

They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals. 

Spot the difference 

What’s the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn’t beat cancer. 

Double Standards

I hate double standards – burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being, “a respectful friend.”

But do it at home and you’re, “destroying evidence.”

Defining Dark Humor

What’s the difference between dark humor & morbid humor?

Dark humor is ten kids in one container; Morbid humor is one kid in ten containers. 

On the chopping block

I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom chopping up Onions – it made me cry.

Onions was a good dog. 

Treasure your family 

My family is just like a treasure — 

You need a map and a shovel to find them. 

Keep away from the woods

A man is walking into the woods with a young boy: 

Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.” 

Man: “How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone.” 

Lesson learned 

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day.

Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. 

What did the doctor tell you?

A man goes to the doctor to get some test results back:

Doctor: “Well sir, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”

The man asks for the good news first, so the doctor frowns and says, “The good news is we’ve decided to name it after you.” 

Down in the dumps

What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?

He wiped his butt. 

Staggering statistics

I once read someone in London is stabbed every fifty-two seconds.

I feel really bad for the guy. 

The generational gap

My grandfather said I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support. 

The cannibal and the clown 

Cannibal: “I really don’t like clowns.”

Clown: ‘Why, do we scare you?”

Cannibal: “No, you just taste funny.” 

Allergic to laughter 

I now own an EpiPen. 

My friend handed it to me while he was dying – it seemed really important to him that I have it. 

Don’t go breaking our hearts

Never break someone’s heart – they only have one.

Break someone’s bones instead – they have 206 of them.