Blanche is our ‘Golden Girls’ icon: These are all her best one-liners
In honor of Tracee Ellis Ross, Regina King, Sanaa Lathan, and Alfre Woodard joining forces with Zoom to recreate The Golden Girls with an all-Black cast, we feel it is appropriate to revisit our love of Blanche Devereaux (née Hollingsworth), the best character on a show filled with amazing characters.
Blanche Devereaux ran Miami and The Golden Girls would not be what it was without her
In a time before television had to have an all-encompassing arc or mystery that was ruined by the sixth season, NBC’s The Golden Girls was a treasure. And Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan) was one of its crown jewels over the course of the show’s eight-season run.
The character, inspired by Blanche DuBois and Scarlett O’Hara, was a man-hungry Southerner fond of pastel-colored sports jackets and scorching the earth of any who defied her in a small, retirement home in Miami, Florida.
In honor of her ability to verbally destroy any who dared to defy her, these are our favorite insults, catchphrases, and occasional compliments she ever gave over the course of eight seasons.
“Eat dirt and die, trash.”
“Joust Between Friends, Episode 9 of Season 2, includes arguably the best line of the series and the only reason we wanted to have this list.
In the episode, Blanche becomes jealous when Dorothy (Bea Arthur) seemingly outshines her while temporarily working at a museum. In the final scene, Dorothy tries to say hello to Blanche when she comes home, but Blache keeps it simple with the most perfect way to start and end a conversation.
It’s concise, it’s clear, it cuts to the heart of you.
A useful mantra for safe sex!
We’re pretty sure there are Etsy stores that have this quote emblazoned on them, but in Season 3, Episode 3 “Grab That Dough,” Sophia (Estelle Getty) wins tickets for all of the girls to be contestants on the game show (and what seems like a television-safe knockoff of ABC’s Family Feud) “Grab That Dough.”
Blanche and Dorothy end up head-to-head against Rose (Betty White) and Sophia, but Blanche blows the 100-point question in the final moment:
Guy Corbin: For one-hundred points, complete this famous saying: “Better late than . . .” (Blanche buzzes) Blanche?
Blanche: Pregnant!
Guy Corbin: That’s incorrect, but certainly not untrue.
Blanche doesn’t grade on a curve
“Zborn Again” is Episode 7 of Season 6, and most of the episode deals with Dorothy trying to get rid of her scuzzy ex-husband.
We’re not really interested in that (if we wanted men on this show it would have been called The Golden Individuals, dammit!), but Blanche gives us quality content when Rose asks Blanche about the best sex she’s ever had.
“Best sex,” Blanche said. “Oh, it’s just so hard to rate these things. There’s a degree of difficulty, style points, choice of music, did they land on their feet during the dismount. Different people have different strengths, it’s just impossible to tell. But, anything over a nine is excellent.”
Truly, Blanche knew her value and what she valued in others.
People from New York are annoying
Dorothy and Blanche made the best sparring partners over The Golden Girls eight-season run, and nowhere is this more evident than in “Till Death Do We Volley,” a Season 4 episode that deals with Dorothy blaming herself when her former friend and classmate dies while playing tennis.
Blanche is trying to cheer her up and console her with one of her long-winded stories about growing up rich and beautiful in Georgia, but Dorothy wants no part of it:
Dorothy: Blanche, before you start, realize I am very vulnerable now and in no mood to hear a story about you and some yahoo cracker with four first names pawing at each other under a magnolia tree.
Blanche: Well, pardon me, Dorothy, but we can’t all come from places as socially acceptable as Brooklyn.
She’s right! People from New York do act socially superior to literally every place in the country, and it can be pretty annoying! Especially for people willing to pay $6 for a soda, what the hell is up with that, New Yorkers?
Her middle name might as well be “Third-Degree” for these burns
In Season 3, Sophia has a fun A plot where she believes that her boyfriend has robbed a bank to impress her.
It’s a great episode! It’s called “Larceny and Old Lace” and you should totally watch it!
You should also partake because there is a fun B plot where Rose thinks Blanche is mad at her and asks Dorothy if she had noticed anything:
Rose: I wanted to ask you – do you think Blanche has been picking on me lately?
Dorothy: I haven’t noticed.
Rose: [Blanche walks in] Hi, Blanche!
Blanche: . . . Must you always be so cheerful you . . . empty-headed, Mary Poppins knock-off!
Rose: [to Dorothy] Let me know if you notice anything.
